Personal Life | Pavleck.Com

Ch-ch-ch-changes (And updates!)

Personal Life, Philosophy No Responses »

Jul 192011

It’s been awhile, this I know. A lot has gone down. I’ve been up, been kicked down, been overjoyed and devastated. And now I’m here.

I’ve been busily working on a ‘webinar’ for work. This thing goes down in August and will be seen by thousands of people. It’s all about blending different technologies together to automate your datacenter. I’m looking forward to it, it should be a crowning achievement for me.

So, what else has been going on..

Well, I was pulled over on the one single day I didn’t have insurance. Yeah. I haven’t been pulled over since 2005 or so, and this is when he decides to do it. I figured since I never drive my car anymore, I might as well try that little snapshot discount from Progressive. So I dropped my Geico and ordered Progressive. Only I messed up my dates. I canceled Geico on the 8th and my Progressive didn’t start until the 10th. Guess when I got pulled over?

I’m hoping that when I go before the judge that he’ll be a tad lenient of me, considering I’ve always had insurance on my car since I bought it 6 years ago. We’ll see.

Also, I was written up for a ‘driving on a suspended drivers license’ charge. But when I went to pull my car out of impound, the woman had to check it to make sure and guess what? Came back valid. So I’ll have to work on that too.

I tried out for a commercial for Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Minnesota last week.
It was my first audition ever – I was both “Smoking Woman 2” and “Smoking Man 4”. I sang a ditty about health procrastination to the tune of “Tomorrow”. I’m pretty sure I sucked hardcore at it, and the call yesterday saying I wasn’t chosen for a call back confirmed it.

But I’m alright with that. Life is all about new experiences, and that’s really what I was going for.

Tonight I’m going to learn more about Buddhism at the Minnesota Zen Meditation Center. There’s a dude that means the world to me; he felt a lot of what I feel when he was my age, and Buddhism helped him resolve all that. Now in his 50s, everybody in the world absolutely adores him and he’s a father figure for every male in a 500 mile radius. I figure if he can turn it around, then I can too.

Honestly, it’s more about learning to be more accepting of everyone that I’m trying to achieve. I was given a book called “How to be happy”. It’s a tiny little book, written by a monk. The gist of it is “Assume everyone around you is fulfilling all your expectations 100% of the time”.

It’s a simple message, but so powerful. Every time I read it I’m in this awesome zen mood where all is right. Only lasts about a week or 2 though. Hoping learning more will help me with that.

What else? Ummm, not sure. Oh, I’m going to try to quit smoking again tomorrow. And this week I’m cleaning out my fridge, defrosting that 1962 beauty, and vowing to reduce my outings to get food from ‘daily’ to ‘not very often at all’. Except for breakfast. I like going out for that.

Sometimes you have to reach your lowest point, it sets a marker, keeps your place. Then you go up from there, and you can see how much better you’re doing. Time to love myself for once.

Oh, also, I’m a blonde again.

Wait, a post at 6:30?!

Personal Life No Responses »

Jun 142011

Why yes, sometimes. I’m at The Egg and I on 28th and Lyndale. It’s a greasy spoon breakfast joint but I must admit I’m quite the fan. As I wait for my eggs commodore I’m writing this post up on my droid.
So, how can I be up at 6? Easy – I didn’t sleep. Sometimes that happens, I just have a day with so much energy I can’t close my eyes. Not to mention, I’m waiting for an early am delivery from UPS, and so I don’t want to miss it by over-sleeping. So here I sit, lamenting my lack of sleep. There’s always tomorrow, right?

Also, if you notice me blogging a lot more, its because I don’t have anyone else to talk to, so I force my ramblings onto you, dear reader.

Anyway, food is here, time to eat and get to work!

Oh yeah, EMDR

Personal Life, Therapy No Responses »

Jun 132011

So how did it go? Well I think.

I sat down, he hooked me up to these headphones that beep to the left and right. I held these paddles that vibrated slightly, and I stared at a box that had LEDs that went back and forth.

Then he starts talking to me, as all of these things are going on at once.

I’m supposed to concentrate on the lights, beeping and buzzing. But as you can imagine, that’s fairly tough to do when someone is engaging you in a conversation – at least at first.
It took about 10 minutes or so, but eventually I found a groove where I was able to concentrate completely on the beeping, buzzing and blinking while at the same time answering his questions.

Thing is, I don’t remember what he asked me. I wasn’t hypnotized, it was this weird in-between state.

I know we tackled my procrastination and my fear of being successful. And I think it worked well, because at the end I told him I had to go, I have work to do.

And then I went home and did it.

Though I think I’ll need a few more sessions. I don’t fret at all about procrastinating now. But I don’t always do what I’m supposed to. Sometimes I just say “Yeah, I don’t want to do that. That’s all”.

So it was way more successful than I had thought. I feel like myself, only a tad better.

The Evolution of a relationship, as expressed via ring tones

Humor, Personal Life No Responses »

Apr 182011

This is the evolution of a relationship, as expressed in ring tones.

The Meeting! You met, got along well, got the digits, put em in your phone.
Default ring tone

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LOVE! You’ve fallen deeply in love, couldn’t be happier. Messing with your phone one day, you decide to give your love a custom ring tone
In-love ring tone

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BREAK UP! Oh oh, that’s not good. Sorry to hear that, you two were perfect for each other. Crushed, you change their ring tone:
Crushed ring tone

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Acceptance! Oh well. They were great, it sucks that it didn’t work out and all, but you wish them all the best. And so you change your ring tone again.
Accepting ring tone

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Full Circle! Weeks or months have gone by. You’re moving on. Middle of the night, phone rings with the tone in step 4. A drunk dial. You ignore it, then change their ring tone.
Full circle ring tone

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My first step: EMDR

Personal Life, The Mind, Therapy 1 Response »

Apr 122011

So in an hour and change from now I’m going to have my first Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy – or EMDR for short.

I’m nervous.

What is it? Well, according to Wikipedia EMDR is:

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy that was developed to resolve symptoms resulting from disturbing and unresolved life experiences. It uses a structured approach to address past, present, and future aspects of disturbing memories. The approach was developed by Francine Shapiro to resolve the development of trauma-related disorders as resulting from exposure to a traumatic or distressing event, such as rape or military combat. Clinical trials have been conducted to assess EMDR’s efficacy in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Although some clinicians may use EMDR for other problems, its research support is primarily for disorders stemming from distressing life experiences.

From what my therapist tells me, it’s quick (1 session is about an hour, and usually all but the most serious of traumas can be corrected, permanently, within that hour) and permanent.

I always thought therapy and things like this was best reserved for people who have had a serious traumatic event. What I’m learning is that a lot of little things – like emotional abuse from parents or bullies growing up, can all add up to trauma that can be worse than one huge event; worse because you can play it all off as if it’s not as big as it really is.

I’m nervous, but looking forward to this. I’m going to be going through several sessions, so I’m going to ask him if I can bring in a camera to record it the next time so I can show all of you what it is.

Wish me luck!

Mind & Body

Personal Life, Philosophy, Weight Loss No Responses »

Apr 052011

So for the first part of this week, I’m in Atlanta, GA. Well, to be more accurate, I’m in Peachtree City, GA – about 10 minutes south. I got here Sunday night, and I’m leaving tomorrow evening. I’m here for a client, though I’m not entirely sure why. It’s really un-necessary. Well, actually I do know why I’m here – according to my boss it’s for “face time”. To actually meet the client, get to know them a little bit, get them to know me, the usual “building a relationship” stuff that we consultants do.

Though, as you can imagine, they’re a busy company, and have many fires to put out and meetings to attend. So for the most part, this is my day:

Yup, sitting at the desk in my room at the Hilton, watching TV and working on my laptop. I see the client for an hour or 2 in the morning, then I’m on my way. Back to the hotel.

But oddly, it’s quite refreshing.
I love the south in spring time. It’s warm, but not too hot. The skies are a deep emerald color, warm breezes blowing softly. I actually spend a lot of my time outside on the veranda, working. Soul searching.

This week I’ve been feeling quite in-tune with nature. I’ve gone for long walks along the many golf cart trails they have around here, communing with nature. Feeling oddly spiritual and connected to the world. I light a cigarette and smoke it slowly, breaking up a second cigarette and spreading the tobacco along the base of the trees while praying to the earth. And these trees are amazing – huge pine tress stretching over 80 feet into the air, that sway gently in unison when a breeze blows.

This is a view outside my hotel window. To keep things in perspective, I’m on the 4th floor and the tree towers over me:

With the warm spring weather and a soft breeze you can imagine how easy it is to get into a spiritual mood. Though I must attribute a lot of this to an amazing woman I met a few months ago. She’s really opened my mind and my heart and woken up the inner me that’s always been there.

I’ve changed the way I eat, now preferring a more fresh, gluten free diet and my health is thanking me. I’ve also started exercising – at least a little bit each day. At home I have this exercise device called “The Rack” – and it works great! On the road I try to make use of the fitness areas available at virtually every hotel. I was in a rush this time and forgot to pack my workout clothes, but it just so happens that the Hilton Garden Inn I’m staying at has a free “Stay Fit Kit” which I’ve picked up and am using instead. It has a nice pilates resistance band, a resistance rope (Though mine came without handles so it’s basically useless), hand weights, an abs ball, dvd player and dvds. It’s actually a pretty good workout, too. At least going through the whole routine is kicking my ass!

Add in my new therapy routine, some meditation, and hopefully some yoga soon and I seem to be coming a ‘whole’ person. With a mind, body, and soul all aligned and working smoother than I thought possible. I guess I could say I’m becoming human. It’s scary, but I invite it.

How I spent my weekend

Personal Life No Responses »

Nov 082010

Well, for the first time in many weeks I had an entire weekend all to myself. It’s so rare, I didn’t even realize I missed it.

And what did I do this weekend? Lots of awesome:

Voided the warranty of my WRT54GL wireless router and added an SD card to it – now I have some filespace for DD-WRT to play with. I provide WiFi to the locals and wanted to add a few things to protect me from possible litigation. I could have either bought a $600 router that did what I needed, or modded the one I was using for free. I chose the free option hehe.
Voided the warranty of my iron and added some bits to it – mainly a hook. Then I added a hook to the ironing board I have that hangs on the door – now they are nice and close together!
Tore the office apart. Mind you, it already looked like a bomb had hit it, but to help ‘motivate’ me to clean it all up I took my desktop apart and dragged it out into the living room for a thorough cleaning.
Hung up 5 silkscreen posters (Out of the 18 or so I have). Here’s one of them – martini girl:
Got all my laundry done – woooo
Got all the dishes done – woooo x 2
Had some friends over to help me finish off this little pony keg I bought awhile back.
Which is really weird. Because they were people from my building. I’m really starting to get to know them – and they’re a bunch of cool cats!
There was other stuff, but for the life of me I can’t remember what right now. Hrmmm.

So hopefully this week I can get my office squared away. It’ll be nice to have a real work area again – though I need to rig up a cheap table I can use as a desk – something I can drop solder on and burn a few dozen times. Hrmm, suppose it’s off to Craigslist to find one!

Time to get fit!

Personal Life, Weight Loss No Responses »

Nov 012010

So the Feds here have a pretty well stocked fitness room located on-site. From what I’ve been able to read on the intranet, I’m thinking it’s employees only. But, the guy I work with closely here works out every day around 11am or so. And he offered to just let me in so I can partake upon it – and starting tomorrow, I will!

I’m 34. Not as young as I once was, and if I’ve noticed anything it’s that a mostly sedentary lifestyle is more punishing as you get older. Not to mention I’m just generally run down and tired almost all the time – and I’m tired of it. I was debating on joining a gym again and trying to go, but honestly I never seem to make it as often as I should. With a fitness center built in AND a coworker to push me a little bit, I’ll have no excuse to not go.

Nothing to serious at first – some light cardio, some light weights. Something light enough so that I can do it 5 days a week without being too damn sore at the end of it, but heavy enough to get my heart rate up and moving.

I’m stoked about this! This job might be a life-changer!

(Yeah I know I posted about this before, but this is for really reals!)

The new job

Personal Life, Technology No Responses »

Oct 292010

I am really enjoying my job at . I was all ready to sit and tell you guys what a day in the life of a at , but due to security concerns, I’m not actually allowed to say anything.

But let me just say, if you ever get a chance to work at , DO IT!

Dusting things off

Personal Life 2 Responses »

Oct 072010

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually really blogged. At one point in time, I was somewhat of a
minor internet celebrity on the Tech frontier – in fact, Google will auto-suggest my name or even
correct you if you spell it wrong – check it out:

But then I basically stopped blogging, or participating in the local community, and let things slide down.

Why? I’m not entirely sure. Life got in the way. A 2 year depression. A general malaise. Whatever it was, it’s finally ending. And I’m happy about that. Granted, I’m sort of morose right now but that will hopefully end after a good nights sleep and a couple hangover-destroying advil.

But hey! I’m going to stop being a sad bastard and start living again. I’m starting all over. With a renewed vigor. So expect to see some things going on here once again – my music days, my video days, my podcasts – all are being revived.

I’ve gone ahead and gotten this wordpress install updated and oiled, it’s a smooth machine now and one day I will, too.

Though I still probably need to find a better, non-generic theme to use. Meh, guess that goes on the TO-DO list.

Note to the several hundred people that subscribe to me: I’m back, thanks for being patient.

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